Have you ever noticed yourself doing something you know isn’t helpful — procrastinating, avoiding a hard conversation, shutting down, or overthinking — and wondered, Why do I keep doing this?

It can feel frustrating when the same patterns keep showing up, especially when you’re trying to change. But what if those parts of you aren’t trying to hurt you… what if they’re trying to help?

The purpose behind our patterns

In Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy, we understand that we’re made up of many inner “parts.” These parts developed to help us survive our experiences, especially the painful or confusing ones.

Some learned to keep us safe by avoiding risk or vulnerability. Others became perfectionists, caretakers, or critics — doing whatever they could to prevent pain or rejection.

Even when their strategies no longer serve us, their intentions are often protective. They learned, long ago, what it took to get through.

When protection becomes limitation

The same strategies that once protected us can start to feel like barriers in adulthood.
The part that shuts down during conflict may have learned that speaking up was dangerous.
The inner critic that pushes you relentlessly may have learned that being perfect kept you safe or loved.

It’s not that these parts are bad, they’re just tired. They’ve been working hard for a long time.

Meeting your parts with curiosity

When we notice a pattern like self-sabotage, avoidance, or people-pleasing, it’s easy to move into judgment: Why can’t I just stop doing this?

But healing begins when we get curious instead of critical.

You might ask yourself:

• What is this part trying to protect me from?
• When did I first need this strategy?
• What might it need from me now?

Often, simply listening to these parts allows something inside to soften. They finally feel seen and not shamed.

How therapy helps you reconnect

In therapy, we create space to meet these inner parts safely and compassionately.
Through approaches like IFS, Attachment-based therapy, and EMDR, we can help protective parts trust that you, as your adult Self, can now hold what once felt overwhelming.

As that trust grows, the system begins to settle. Those protective parts no longer have to work so hard, and you can access more calm, clarity, and connection.

A new relationship with yourself

Healing isn’t about getting rid of parts of you. It’s about building a relationship with them.
When you understand that every part developed for a reason, self-compassion naturally follows.

The parts that once helped you survive can now learn what it feels like to rest, to release, to trust that you’re safe.

If you’re curious about your inner world and ready to feel more unity within yourself, support is here.